What would you want to hear from your BPSO, or exBPSO
By - Psyched415
I would want her to convince her family that I was right about her having bipolar so they stop hating me.
Being the only person trying to help is difficult enough in so many ways, especially when your partner turns against you, but being treated like shit while no one in her family even considers what her husband is saying about her diagnosed bipolar is unbearable. ("It's just stress" )
Her entire family was so easily convinced that I was the source of **all** her problems.
She's a very bright and honest girl after all.
If she starts acting dangerously and doing hurtful and impulsive things and then blames me for her consequences, the idea of eventually having children together terrifies me if we don't have her families support.
For your info YouvebeenLied2: My BPSO has two children with girls he met in high school. He said one girl was a one night stand (which, when I told his step mom that she liked shocked, so he obviously lied to me) the other he says was a mistake (he was with her a few months but says that she wasn't supposed to get pregnant). Within months of getting together with me, he wanted to have kids with me. So, obviously hes delusional about relationships. I have 4 kids, and permanently made sure that I would not have any more. (I love my kids but 4 is enough) Anyway, I decided to comment because of what you said and I want you to know that my BPSOs 1st child, his son, is 8 and shows signs of BP. The child's mom gets virtually NO help frpm my BPSO, which I have been up one side of him and down the other about that. He feels bad sometimes about it but overall besides court ordered support, the moms have no help from him. Currently hes took off and living in a coty 200 miles away. Probably because hes made a name for himself here and ticked too many people off.. basically. When I was with him for about 9 months, he finally was able to see his son and even have him overnight once or twice..but that was because of ME and my stability because the child's mother trusted me enough and thought he was stable enough..but soon after we had his son a few times..he started into a manic episode and I really didn't know wtf was going on and I kicked him out. He hasn't seen his son since, in person. Its beeb a year n a half since hes seen his kids as far as I know. The youngest, a girl, would now be 4 and only lives 2 blocks from me with her mom and grandparents because she can't afford to move out. Its hard to say if the 4 yr old has any BP symptoms yet. But from what Ive read its like a 60% chance the kids would.. I wouldn't wish BP on anyone. Its a tough issue, very very tough..I bet its as bad as dementia. You love someone and they sometimes seem like a stranger, intermittently. I just think you should educate yourself about having children with someone with BP, that's all. More than anything regarding the kids, I feel bad for them that their dad isn't there for them and.at this point he seems to be unable or unwilling to see to take any action to change the situation. He just ran away.. and is working part time jobs and living in a one bedroom rooming house. Its sad all the way around. Sorry this is so long.
Just saying, and maybe I’m an outlier, but my mom was BP1 and had 4 kids. None of us have it.
At the very least an explanation of what the hell happened.
Honestly just communicating with me about it is what I appreciate. She usually does. Still doesn’t many times though, and she will just disappear for a day. It’s worrying.
She does it because she doesn’t want to be around me too much while depressed and feels she can’t talk. I can respect this and give her space. But even just the words “can’t talk” in a text would be nice so I know why I haven’t heard from her and can focus on myself for a bit without worrying I’m being neglectful for not going to check on her.
So just, communication. It doesn’t have to mean conversation.
Ugh. I am so bad about this. Of course a simple check in is all it takes, but sometimes that takes so much.
Apologize. Take responsibility for your actions. Show remorse when you hurt people. Make a tangible plan to avoid that behaviour in the future with your SO and therapist, and be held accountable. Take your meds.
What a thoughtful post.
I would like to understand a few things: why did he hate me so much but then try to come back into my life all those times? Did he feel any remorse for what he said to me? When he hated me was it because of a cycle or was it really his feelings?
Ah shit dammit I relate to this one. If stable he likely does as a hunch. The regret over things said is super common. I was pretty harsh with some people, I don't know why. The cycle of leaving and coming back likely was cause of , I've done it myself and now feel remorse.
At the very least (I don't know if you do) don't beat yourself up about it.
For a long time I thought I needed a sincere apology without alternative motives. I didn’t get that, but I have completely forgiven my ex. Just knowing he is bipolar has helped me understand and heal.
I would like an apology for being called “too sensitive” prior to his diagnosis, and I would really love for him to tell me he’s going to make a conscious effort to keep my triggers/trauma out of rotation when he’s angry at me. Just the acknowledgment of wanting to stay away from some topics for my sake would make me feel so loved.
You honestly couldn’t say worse things to a human being than what he’s said to me. I wish he would make the effort to control his words.
The he understands he's not always in control but will do better to recognize the signs when he's not and learn to come back to reality in a healthier way.
I would want him to tell someone only he knows that he was cruel to me and that he feels guilty over it. I want someone to know he is the bad guy but that he acknowledges it and wants to do better. I don't like that he keeps it all a secret. Being opened and honest about my mental health issues is why I am able to be so stable in my present.
I am still with my BPSO but I wish he could explain what is going on in his mind and why he reacts the way he does but all he does is panic when I ask questions. I wish he could sit down and enlighten me on his feelings because I can't figure out if he cares or not about me or anything else. Communication! I just need him to talk to me and explain so I can have a clear understanding and then I would have a better idea and what I can do to help him. I can see his mind is scrambled and his super hypomanic right now so no chance he can even slow down to talk or even communicate rationally. When it comes to apologizing I feel you may need some closure and feel guilt so that may be a healer for you as well as them! Im sure they would like to hear why you did what you did and have that closure!
Makes sense, I can see how that would suck for the both of you.
As far as it goes I know what I'd want to talk about, I was more curious about you guys. But yea, idk if I ever get the chance I'll explain to them all that went on.
I have asked for this for months.. what the hell happened?? At one point after my incessant questioning..he said he didn't know and that he blacked out. I want explanations. How could he pretend to be in a relationship with someone else while (also, apparently, pretending to be) in a relationship with me?? I asked him what he was thinking? How did he think this would all play out? Did he even have a plan? His words don't seem to add up. How can you say you love someone but do and say such awful things? How can you get upset with me, criticize, accuse.. me.. for doing the things you're accusing me of doing? Im not doing ANY of it. Why break promises? Why make the promises in the first place if you .. ugh.. can't follow through?? ANY communication is better than none.. because my BPSO shut down most communication lately and says he doesn't want to argue. So now all he basically says is I love you.. about 20 times a day..mostly to shut me up because I question everything because I'm so upside down with him and I'm very very hurt.
It's not acceptable behavior don't get me wrong. I won't try to justify what went on.
But as far as what could make someone do it, people do things that don't make much sense while manic. Sometimes you really, really lose it. I've done some things I don't really have an explanation for other than that my brain was firing off.
So as far as to why, manic people oftentimes will not make sense, even to them once they've come down off of it. I am really sorry, and once again it's still not an acceptable thing to do even if there is some reason behind it that adds up. I hope it does end up working out for you someway.
Just get the fuck on with it to be honest.
Not sure what you mean
Apologies mean nothing when you say them too many times, coherency is debatable when it comes to mental illness. Actively working to get better is what matters.
Ahh I see. Well it's not terribly about me. I mean I am better now, and I'm in a better spot. Meds have done me good, and I try to manage it all outside of it as well.
Although I had to edit my post cause it wasn't clear I wanted what others wanted in their specific case. My bad for sure.