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Agelos_17

Bill is one weird dude


aDrunkWithAgun

His daughter sounds like a fun time


slade51

and his wife too.


SeSuSo

Dog sounds cool too.


greenknight884

That tap water sounds pretty rad.


NiceDecnalsBubs

I'd tap that water.


lizardmandx

Zing er... splash


ThyGoat11

Those twins are probably pretty tight as well


Pshock13

Too soon my dude.


The_Man_In_Seat_21

r/suddenlysexoffender


marcoreus7sucks

The whole Plamer family is wild.


Look_to_the_Stars

She’s 10 years old


I_MakeCoolKeychains

And on cocaine!


whiteclawthreshermaw

Yeah. It's weird you're here, Bill.


MinnieShoof

... Gates?


iamboredca

Almost as weird as my uncle Walt.


jet_heller

Huh. Last time I heard this one he included some motor oil from his car and was told he needs an oil change and to check on the valve on the 2nd cylinder. I think walmart's machine is crappy.


Scamperillium

Maybe they bought the machine from walmart


jamesr14

Is the version called Mainstays or SuperTech?


A911owner

It's an Edison


MotherRaven

Isn’t that what you call a stolen Tesla?


thecoolvaletguy

Hypertough


OkExplainItToMe

That's the upgraded model.


trggrhppy

I heard the same!


Medcait

You don’t treat ringworm with antibiotics.


zeebrahztripes

Beat me to it.


Cefour_Leight

Fungi are biological, so antifungals are *technically* antibiotics. Also, please see my new line of antibiotics, now available in 9mm!


thephishguy

Antibiotics kill bacteria


Cefour_Leight

I'm aware, just joking, pointing out the [*biotic*](https://www.etymonline.com/word/biotic) in [*antibiotic*](https://www.etymonline.com/word/antibiotic) means "life/pertaining to life", so with some strict interpretation, a fly swatter is an antibiotic


theOriginalDrCos

This is a rehash of a George Wallace (the comedian) joke from back in the 80s. You go upstairs until you learn how to act.


Lord_Harkonan

Probably a repost of a rehash of a George Wallace joke.


heyugl

most likely a rehash from a repost of a repost of a rehash of a repost of a rehash of a George Wallace joke.-


ShitHearted

Definitely a repost. I read it within the last 2 weeks.


tykeoldboy

$10 for a urine sample to diagnose a medical condition. Are Walmart taking the piss?


Cru_Jones86

No. You get it back after.


Shade_Xaxis

You can scrape it up on Isle 7's floors, or simply resell it to an employee wanting to pass a drug test....


GreenEggPage

Not with Bill's daughter's urine in there.


heyugl

the employee won't know.-


GreenEggPage

Dammit dude! I failed that piss test and they said I'm pregnant! My wife is gonna be mad!


willyolio

Ah, Theranos. The joke that scammed billions of dollars.


melebitc

10/10 would laugh again


wilsonism

the guy that reposted this last week reposted it funnier


CosmicLightning

It's not the greatest but I tried. Two original jokes from me for your reading pleasure. [Fairy, succubus, and a furry walk into a bar](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/bni493/a_succubus_a_furry_and_a_fairy_all_walked_into_a/) And [12 in a box](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/bpk3ei/12_in_a_box/)


lurked_long_enough

Sorry man, maybe because it is 3 am, but you gonna have to explain these to me.


CosmicLightning

2nd one: The boy is deaf 1st one: Fairy wasn't no girly girl and surprised the bartender. This one got more likes, not sure why.


johnmarkfoley

actual price was rolled back to $9.88


soulstealer1984

Ring worm is fungal an antibiotic will not work.


HarryLorenzo

Welcome to Costco, I love you.


Metroidman

"Pleasured himself into the mixture." I don't blame the wife


KredeMexiah

Hey honey, could you come piss into this jar of dog shit?


KredeMexiah

Hey honey, could you come piss into this jar of dog shit?


tae808

The real punchline is thank you for shopping at Walmart lol


LizzyBone1988

Damn... take the upvote


oopsmurf

Can we stop calling jokes longer than two sentences “long”? It’s the sad dad joke pun oneliners that should be marked as “short”.


heyugl

oneliners are the most common, ergo the Overton window have moved normal their way.-


Wmbernie

That joke is ancient


TotesGnar

So people pissing in Walmart? What's new?


ChryWolferyn

Apparently the new thing is it's in a small cup, rather than a line down the aisle, ending with a pile of shit.


DonutBrilliant

So, Theranos wasn't a scam after all.


enigma2shts

"and then he pleasured himself into the mixture" Had to reread that part Should've just said "came into the mixture"


heatmyan

My only question is how did the man manage to get the urine samples from his wife and daughter?


Blutertle420

This one has been overused my friend


BoodaSRK

“Your friend” did this?


d4ng3r0u5

An oldie, but a goodie.


shefjef

“My friend”…sure bill.


myearwood

I heard it before, but for a start up walk-in clinic


3Dirt4Worm

Idiocracy is getting closer


imdstuf

https://youtu.be/h6H9VuS5zDw


SimpleManeNt

Change wife to daughter.


cathleene1987

‘My friend’ - yeah ok then buddy


Smallp0x_

I like the Postal 2 medical kiosks better.


bholelicker

LOL! Reminds me of my last time at Wal Mart!


inconspicuous_male

Why the Walmart bit after the punchline?


Billotron_57

I think it was because the computer sounded so pissed at the dude and then calmly said "Thank you for shopping at Walmart." Or it was uneccesary and I'm just thinking about it too much.


inconspicuous_male

I just think jokes should end at the punchline. It's like "The teacher fainted" thing


MaddSkittlez

I can’t get over the fact there was a guy in Walmart with a bowl full of tap water, his wife and daughters piss and dog shit which he jerked off to


Timfoster33

I heard his dog was on coke


[deleted]

[удалено]


Malvastor

If you think antibiotics and vitamins are the same thing, you owe the computer an apology.


RedditPowerUser01

My doctor’s all like, “you have an infection! You badly need to take antibiotics!” And I’m like, thanks but no thanks doc, I don’t need anymore vitamins.


caboosetp

My essential oils work just fine, thank you very much.


Obvious_Awareness273

Where does it say vitamins lol


ItsOnlyOxygen

While you're very wrong, it is true the antibiotics would do nothing because ringworm is fungal, not bacterial.


Fire0pal

I thought it was a worm but I looked it up and yeah it is a fungus. Really misleading name lol


JellyfishRevolution

Wow! That was so damn funny, good job OP


groney62

I’m an idiot. Why is this funny


Nitrobat

Everyone is praising this joke and I'm wondering if I'm a moron. What is the joke? There's a machine in Wal Mart that tests pee...here are examples of it doing a good job...what's the joke?


JellyfishRevolution

The joke is that when the man took his daughters, wife, and dogs urine samples to jack off with it and test it at the machine, the machine spewed out all different responses and was being mean about it.


Recon_by_Fire

Porn destroys another marriage.


hari88physio

That's hilarious


KarthusWins

"My friend"